Thats right fools ya boi Albus is back with of engines! [Y do they even have that as a saying it makes no sense lol]
It has been soooooo long since ive been on the grid internet and i'll bore you with that story later (LOL SOOO NOT BOORING) but if i had sex with youre mom for every time i have heard OH SHIT ALBUS IS BACK WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALBUS i would have fucked your mom to death lol
now that im back up in this beetch im gonna be doing movie revews because of cultural importancy and commenting on my world views. I have really matured up which u will be able 2 see... but i still def kick it old scool and schwill brew dogs and bang broads constantly how could i not, lol albus!
For now, here are my TOP 5 PICKUP LINES that are 100% original albus genius - u tool tardos can use them if u want but u have 2 give me credit if u do.
Landon Albus's Top 5 Pick Up Lines
ALBUS: I think there’s something in your vagina.
Girl: Excuse me?
ALBUS: It’s just that I can see into the future. And that something is first my tongue and then my dick.
Do you like animals? Beacuse I want 2 fuck u like one.
Out of all my facebook friends, i whack it to ur photos the most.
ALBUS: Have you ever fuked on a animal skin rug?
Girl: No, I havent.
ALBUS: I have 1 at my pad. Do u want 2 lose ur furrginity? lol
I'm Landon ALbus. Suck my dick.
It’s not polite to talk with ur mouth full unless ur eating my cock then u can say whatever u want as long as ur still sucking
This 1 only workz at a PETA ralley. I’m glad you support People Eating The Albuscock. You look hungry, can I interest u in something no pun intended lol.
Is this an A-B conversation or R U just happy 2 C me?
Y dont u be like the wind and blow me?
That is my TOP 5 pickup lines. Check back soon for more insights into the mind of the next generations, cya next time losers!
PS, sup ladies? get at me on twitter http://www.twitter.com/landonalbus
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, March 9, 2009
QWICK STORY!
i was @ this party this weekend and this chick with a giant rack was like ''arn't you Landon Alfus who writes that blog?'' i was like no my name is Landon AlBUS and you need to get on the back of the alBUS rosa parks! it was really funny bc rosa parks is some hottie that the rapper Outkast banged lol!
i kno u guys love to hear about when i do awesome and hillaryious stuff and when i said that it was classic.
check back soon for my movie review 4 the Fugitive
cya next time losers!
i kno u guys love to hear about when i do awesome and hillaryious stuff and when i said that it was classic.
check back soon for my movie review 4 the Fugitive
cya next time losers!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
WORST SATURDAY EVAAAH
Sup citezens of losertown, population ya’ll LOL!
I probably had the shittiest saturday of alltime but I dnt let it get me down bc I know I can always cum up wit hilarious stuff like that. liek if u said u play baseball i would come back atcha with something like 'what bat do u use a loserville slugger?' its probably y i get laid so much.
so on saTURDday i was super pumped bc i THOUGHT i was going 2 get my dads Craighton tickets to the suiete he gets from his work since their hardcore ballers unlike most losers in this OBAMA ECONOMY YES WE CAN LOL suckers.
u can drink at Craighton gamez! Ive never been 2 one but i dnt think u can at UNO gaymes! GAY! lol.
So i was all like shit yeah albus gettin afternoonstyle drunksted in the swiz-eet for friz-ee! W R O N G !!!
Some d-bag client manager swiped those fuckers like rickey hendersen steals bases and i steal v-cards. lol ablus. I had to settle for regular tickets like a stupid blue coller joe jackass which sucked since the tickets were like all the way at one end of the floor on the floor. u get a table where u can put ur beerz but u have 2 keep turning youre head the hole time 2 see the game. GAY AS AIDS! some dude like 5 chairs away kept yelling at the playerz and reffs and got straight up BOOTED lol. sux for him i was saying way funnier shit to the ref and i didnt even know who the fuck Craighton waz playing til halftime.
the cheerleaders are only ok looking but i was yelling at them like CUM SIT HERE ILL GIVE U FREE BEER lol that shit always works at the bars.
the drive home suked too cuz it was cold as shit and i was only like 3 beers in and didnt have any roadies and my seat heaters are slow as shit. THEN I GOT A FUCKING FLAT TIRE in some shitty ass part of town on a street ive never been on and neither did tripple A because those fuckers took forever 2 get there my buzz fuckin wore off waiting 4 their slow asses. i was like u fags i would have had this changed by myself by now if i felt like it.
so after that i flipped them off as i drove away, bought a case and watched teh Fugitive, so look out for that movie review.
hope your saturday wasnt as shitty as mine but it was probalby worse!
Cya next time losers!
I probably had the shittiest saturday of alltime but I dnt let it get me down bc I know I can always cum up wit hilarious stuff like that. liek if u said u play baseball i would come back atcha with something like 'what bat do u use a loserville slugger?' its probably y i get laid so much.
so on saTURDday i was super pumped bc i THOUGHT i was going 2 get my dads Craighton tickets to the suiete he gets from his work since their hardcore ballers unlike most losers in this OBAMA ECONOMY YES WE CAN LOL suckers.
u can drink at Craighton gamez! Ive never been 2 one but i dnt think u can at UNO gaymes! GAY! lol.
So i was all like shit yeah albus gettin afternoonstyle drunksted in the swiz-eet for friz-ee! W R O N G !!!
Some d-bag client manager swiped those fuckers like rickey hendersen steals bases and i steal v-cards. lol ablus. I had to settle for regular tickets like a stupid blue coller joe jackass which sucked since the tickets were like all the way at one end of the floor on the floor. u get a table where u can put ur beerz but u have 2 keep turning youre head the hole time 2 see the game. GAY AS AIDS! some dude like 5 chairs away kept yelling at the playerz and reffs and got straight up BOOTED lol. sux for him i was saying way funnier shit to the ref and i didnt even know who the fuck Craighton waz playing til halftime.
the cheerleaders are only ok looking but i was yelling at them like CUM SIT HERE ILL GIVE U FREE BEER lol that shit always works at the bars.
the drive home suked too cuz it was cold as shit and i was only like 3 beers in and didnt have any roadies and my seat heaters are slow as shit. THEN I GOT A FUCKING FLAT TIRE in some shitty ass part of town on a street ive never been on and neither did tripple A because those fuckers took forever 2 get there my buzz fuckin wore off waiting 4 their slow asses. i was like u fags i would have had this changed by myself by now if i felt like it.
so after that i flipped them off as i drove away, bought a case and watched teh Fugitive, so look out for that movie review.
hope your saturday wasnt as shitty as mine but it was probalby worse!
Cya next time losers!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
UNO's library is wired as shit now/albus gets DEEP
LOL! when did they change this shit? i havent been in here in like litereally like 3 years. theyre is like a cafe and shit now so all the fatfatfattys can eat donuts. lol ALBUSTED!
alow me to get deep for a second (lol that's what i said to her)
so after i wrote my helarious 25 list i saw that my old blog showed up on my fb page and it just reallly took me back bro. it was a nice reflexion of life. it made me really happy and i almost cried reading it. NOT! lol. but it really did take me back. i'd like to show u what i blogged about that day beacuse it really makes me realize how much we grow as people even in a few years
As u can see i've really matured and grown up but i still reflex on these times as some of my best times. Cya next time losers.
alow me to get deep for a second (lol that's what i said to her)
so after i wrote my helarious 25 list i saw that my old blog showed up on my fb page and it just reallly took me back bro. it was a nice reflexion of life. it made me really happy and i almost cried reading it. NOT! lol. but it really did take me back. i'd like to show u what i blogged about that day beacuse it really makes me realize how much we grow as people even in a few years
Currently Listening to: Gnarles Barclay
Thursday, August 31, 2006 at 12:18am
Heeyyyy dooshebags! Yo I would have wrote more this summer but I was so fucking drunkstyle wasted all day everyday to do it!
Fuckin cops, I almost got a MIP this summer at this huge like 30 kegger in Blair. It was fucking sweet at first, i was macking like 10 bitches at once! Some of my bros were there and were giving me mad props for mackin all those chicks. I was about to go up this chicks dress when some kids like "cops!" so being smart as fuck I fucking BOLTED to the lake. I hid in some old people pontoon boat for like 2 hours it was soo gay. I jacked off on the carpet! Fuckin cops aint got shit on me
There was a black dude there too and i said "what up" to him. He nodded at me because he knows I'm Landon Fucking Albus, a down ass cat.
Schools gay as usual so far, ive skipped like 8 times already. There are only a few hot chicks in my classes. They prob all want me. It was hilarious today in class i called socrates So-crates, eventhough its really Sock-crates, LOL. Bill and ted are hillarious but faggot stoners. smoking pot is for pussis.
Albus for homecoming king in '06. Cya next time losers.
As u can see i've really matured and grown up but i still reflex on these times as some of my best times. Cya next time losers.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
25 things about my kick ass life
so this stupid chain letter is going around facebook and i wasnt gonna do 1 eventhough i got tagged like 10 times but i do love talking about myself and im a realy good writer so here u go
1. I weighed 6lbs9oz when I was born so Ive never been fat or obece in my life
2. I love my parents who are happily married of 27 years and eventhough Im theyre only child they never spoiled me
3. The first time I got drunk I garage hopped my ant’s house in freemont and all she had was zima but I pounded that shit on my drive home to omaha
4. Speaking of freemont my cousin is gay and was on american idol, so Ive grown up being tolerent of the gayz.
5. Everywhere I go ppl always know me. On my 4th MIP the cop new my name even before I gave him My ID
6. the best part of senior year was the freshman chicks, especially when u drive a Mustang
7. I’m verrrrry political @ heart. My goal is to be governer because u get tons of free shit and I’d throw EPIC keggers at my manshion.
8. LOL ALBUS
9. I have a passion for movies. Ive seen Scarface probably more than 69 times lol
10. Im verry witee. I saw my childhood hero kevin kosner at the CWS and I told him ‘if you build it they will cum’
11. I wrote the most amazing sketch for 1980star called ‘Mr. Cool’ but John and Eric wont make it. IDIOTS.
12. I truly love Jesus and Im reminded of His sacrifice everyday
13. My favorite food is hooters :-D
14. I GOT ON MELISSA MIDWEST SUMMER OF ’06 BUT NOBODY BELIEVES ME!!
15. In my senior civics class I wrote a persuasive paper about why is there a BET channel but there is no WET channel? {message me if u want 2 read it}
16. I’ve walked in on my dad and mom doing it 7 times.
17. I’ve walked in on my dad and babysitter doing it 3 times.
18. My new years resolution is to Blog more and keep banging tons of chicks
19. I love the outdoors but when its super hot and bugs suck
20. I quit little league b/c the coach yelled at me for eating a hotdog in the dugout but if I kept playing Id probably be All-State
21. I use to wear Abercrombie and was the 1st person in my school to wear it
22. I love sports these are my teams: Miami, Dallas Cowboys, Redsox, Kobe, Cubs, Bears and Morehead State, LOL
23. Ppl seem to think Im airuhgent and full of myself, but if u really know me u know Im a verry humble person and really aweome and sweet guy once u get to know me
24. My frat bros truly are my family, thru the good times and the bad
25. Cya next time losers
1. I weighed 6lbs9oz when I was born so Ive never been fat or obece in my life
2. I love my parents who are happily married of 27 years and eventhough Im theyre only child they never spoiled me
3. The first time I got drunk I garage hopped my ant’s house in freemont and all she had was zima but I pounded that shit on my drive home to omaha
4. Speaking of freemont my cousin is gay and was on american idol, so Ive grown up being tolerent of the gayz.
5. Everywhere I go ppl always know me. On my 4th MIP the cop new my name even before I gave him My ID
6. the best part of senior year was the freshman chicks, especially when u drive a Mustang
7. I’m verrrrry political @ heart. My goal is to be governer because u get tons of free shit and I’d throw EPIC keggers at my manshion.
8. LOL ALBUS
9. I have a passion for movies. Ive seen Scarface probably more than 69 times lol
10. Im verry witee. I saw my childhood hero kevin kosner at the CWS and I told him ‘if you build it they will cum’
11. I wrote the most amazing sketch for 1980star called ‘Mr. Cool’ but John and Eric wont make it. IDIOTS.
12. I truly love Jesus and Im reminded of His sacrifice everyday
13. My favorite food is hooters :-D
14. I GOT ON MELISSA MIDWEST SUMMER OF ’06 BUT NOBODY BELIEVES ME!!
15. In my senior civics class I wrote a persuasive paper about why is there a BET channel but there is no WET channel? {message me if u want 2 read it}
16. I’ve walked in on my dad and mom doing it 7 times.
17. I’ve walked in on my dad and babysitter doing it 3 times.
18. My new years resolution is to Blog more and keep banging tons of chicks
19. I love the outdoors but when its super hot and bugs suck
20. I quit little league b/c the coach yelled at me for eating a hotdog in the dugout but if I kept playing Id probably be All-State
21. I use to wear Abercrombie and was the 1st person in my school to wear it
22. I love sports these are my teams: Miami, Dallas Cowboys, Redsox, Kobe, Cubs, Bears and Morehead State, LOL
23. Ppl seem to think Im airuhgent and full of myself, but if u really know me u know Im a verry humble person and really aweome and sweet guy once u get to know me
24. My frat bros truly are my family, thru the good times and the bad
25. Cya next time losers
Friday, January 9, 2009
happy knew year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
currently listening to: Britney Spears - Womanizer
lol i still hungover from new years lol!!! 2009 is going 2 kick ass just like my blog. me donovan and tj went out new years eve and bot three 24 packs of coors light cuz we wanted to drink the expensive stuff for new years. WE played some beer pong in donovans moms basement lol i didnt have a partner but i still kicked there assss! after we primed )i had about 13 beers by 11pm lol( we went to the frat house to go look for soem muff. omg this chick at the party had such a huge rack. i walked up to her and gave her a coors and said damn girl youre racks bigger than Irack lol i like to mix up my political beliefs when im shooting game cuz the chicks totally love that. well anyways, she tried to make out with me but i wasnt feeling her anymore and i took back my coors hahahaha then I called her a indian giver!
rite before midnite tj and me took like 6 shots of bartons vodka lol i was sloshed i don't really remember the rest of the nite but im pretty sure i made out with this really hot chick and i think i mite of banged her in the bathroom cuz that is where i woke up in the morning. And you no what sucks???? i dropped my phone in the toilet and someone puked in the toilet and must half gotten some on me cuz there was some barf on my shirt and pants. if i ever find out who did that im going 2 kick there asssss and say your an idiot!
im gonna go buy a 30 pack of key lite!lol!
cya next time losers!
lol i still hungover from new years lol!!! 2009 is going 2 kick ass just like my blog. me donovan and tj went out new years eve and bot three 24 packs of coors light cuz we wanted to drink the expensive stuff for new years. WE played some beer pong in donovans moms basement lol i didnt have a partner but i still kicked there assss! after we primed )i had about 13 beers by 11pm lol( we went to the frat house to go look for soem muff. omg this chick at the party had such a huge rack. i walked up to her and gave her a coors and said damn girl youre racks bigger than Irack lol i like to mix up my political beliefs when im shooting game cuz the chicks totally love that. well anyways, she tried to make out with me but i wasnt feeling her anymore and i took back my coors hahahaha then I called her a indian giver!
rite before midnite tj and me took like 6 shots of bartons vodka lol i was sloshed i don't really remember the rest of the nite but im pretty sure i made out with this really hot chick and i think i mite of banged her in the bathroom cuz that is where i woke up in the morning. And you no what sucks???? i dropped my phone in the toilet and someone puked in the toilet and must half gotten some on me cuz there was some barf on my shirt and pants. if i ever find out who did that im going 2 kick there asssss and say your an idiot!
im gonna go buy a 30 pack of key lite!lol!
cya next time losers!
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